What is Fear doing here? Why is this emotion so powerful to make us do things that we would never do without it? How can we make sure that Fear doesn’t paralyze us? Why fear in the first place?
While we’re on our third week from moving and completely changing our lives by living in an RV, I ask these questions to myself. As fear comes and goes inside me, I want to write about it and see if fear gets weaker (or stronger) in the process.
Fear seems to be everywhere; she’s looking for our small mistakes and makes a big deal about them. Fear is waiting for our imagination to go slightly negative so that she can jump it. She’s there sleeping, but not really, she’s inside waiting for the right moment. So, let’s get personal with her.
Couple weeks before we moved into our RV I had a trip to Asia. On the way back I got really sick with the flu – no, not that Asian Flu you’re thinking. A ghastly flu that held me down with fever, body pain and aches for at least one week. After that, with just a few days of break, I got sick again. This time with the stomach flu, holding my wife and myself down this time for 3 days. Fever, body pain, aches and stomach ‘stuff’. Back to back sickness before getting ready for the biggest change in our lives makes one doubt just a bit. Fear saw that as an opportunity, went in and spread seeds of doubt, what ifs, what abouts, are we really sure? You get the idea.
She was there all along, waiting for a weak body and mind to go in and do her manipulating work. She was happy to put a few doubts in my mind, as she found us in a weak state. Fear seemed content but I wasn’t. So I did what was best, tried to remember all the reasons for doing this, for being out there in the unknown, and after a while, the body got better, the mind was thinking clear and I pushed back.
– No Fear, no, you cannot take over. She moved to the little corner where she usually stays. Crying a bit she was.
Then the moving day finally came in, and Fear was still in the corner, looking down and sad. Yet an opportunity was getting close for her to come back. I was strong, confident and looking forward. But of course, something had to happen. While we finalized our move and settled in our RV in York, PA, news of a storm with at least 4-6 inches of snow hit our local channel. I looked at Fear and her face lit, she had a grin on her face waiting for my move. And my initial move was not happy. The first week in an RV without really knowing how it operates, let alone in a snowstorm.
Fear got even happier when she learned that the day before the storm I had to pick up our toad (a Fiat 500 we tow behind). The RV alone is 32 feet long, adding the tow bar and the Fiat makes the length of it all almost 50 feet. I have never driven anything like this before, ever. She was so happy, she jumped out of her corner ready to take over. But this time, my body was strong, and my mind was stronger. We picked up the Fiat, drove it back and the more I was driving and seeing how it responded the more confident I got. I just drove, without letting fear paralyze me. The snow came and went, and we did just fine. But Fear is there, in her corner waiting patiently. And she’ll be there.
Once getting out of our first ‘moment’ I realize that doing the biggest move of our lives into the unknown, FEAR was supposed to be there. She is one of the strongest emotions that comes and goes when big life changing events happens to us. I understood that she tried to make me feel powerless. She wanted to take over. But, in just the first weeks of moving, with all the snow and more we never let her stop us. We did things that would have paralyzed us before, but we passed through them and came out on the other side.
The sun is always on the other side of the storm. Not to say that there aren’t more storms brewing, literally and figuratively, and Fear is still in her corner, yet under control. As in the movie ‘Rocky V’ where Rocky is training his protégé and talks about fear, we know it’s inside us, but we have to control it and keep it in check. So here’s Rocky for now. Till later…
“No no no no no no, no, your best friend is a guy named Frankie Fear. You see, fear is a fighter’s best friend. You know, but it ain’t nothing to be ashamed of. See, fear keeps you sharp, it keeps you awake, you know, it makes you want to survive. You know what I mean? But the thing is, you gotta learn how to control it. All right? Cause fear is like this fire, all right? And it’s burning deep inside, now if you control it, Tommy, it’s gonna make you hot! But you see if this thing here controls you… it’s going to burn you and everything else around you up. That’s right.”